Retreat

I had the opportunity this last weekend to sleep on the floor in the freezing cold. . .sound like fun?

Well, technically, I didn't sleep directly on the floor. Technically, I slept on an air mattress. However, for someone with back problems like me, there really wasn't a whole lot of difference, air or no air. Which by the end of the night,  the air in between me and the carpet was definitely lacking.

I am regularly gifted with opportunities such as the previously described because of my dedication to being a youth counselor. Generally, Danny, our youth director, makes it a point to get us accommodations that include regular beds and air conditioning. This time, though, we were given the chance to stay at a house located on the Withlacoochee River outside of Dunnellon, Florida.

Why were we retreating?
Because of Confirmation.
Well, specifically because the current Confirmation class is coming up on the big day, and we usually take them away for a weekend before hand to finish up their lessons and to also enjoy each others company outside of the church walls.

I was so tired going into this past weekend. I'd been working in the church office for two and a half weeks, as well as taking care of rental business, house-sitting jobs, and my other job at the church. Needless to say the idea of spending my weekend acting as a youth counselor was not high on my list of things that sounded fun. But, I went. Well, actually I drove, two of the confirmands got to ride in my car up to Ocala.

I'm not going to go into a play by play of the weekend, or the lessons that we went over.
I'm simply going to put down in writing how much I enjoyed my time on Friday and Saturday, hanging out on the dock with the kids. Oh, and fishing.

Fishing is one of the things that Mom and Dad shared with Russ and I growing up. Not to say that we were ever extremely successful in catching anything. It was always a time for hanging out with each other and enjoying nature. Fish fries afterwards were also wonderful times of togetherness, especially with mom's brothers and their families. The smell of frying fish and hush-puppies always brings back memories of those times (and I don't eat fish, so that's saying something!)

I love fishing. I loving sitting on a dock, on the bank of a river or lake, on a pier, on a boat. The simple act of getting your line and hook set for throwing out into the water, the waiting, the gentle tug of the flow of the water, nibbles on your bait, and possibly a set hook in the mouth of an unsuspecting fish. . .there is peace in that, peace which I can carry in my mind and go back to in times of frustration or distress.
The sights, the sounds, the smells. . .they all roll up into this bundle of happiness, even those times when dad couldn't get the motor running on our old bass tracker and we'd be stuck out in the middle of the lake, listening to him mutter and curse.

I found myself remembering all of this while standing on the dock with the youth, as they asked me for advice on how to tie on a weight or float or hook, how best to attach the bait, etc. I loved it. I absolutely loved it. I found myself thanking God over and over and over again for dragging my resentful, irritated, and tired soul out of my hidey hole of self-pity and exhaustion and out onto the pine planks of that dock.

Because guess what?
I got to add to that bundle of happiness.. .
The moment when Caitlyn caught a catfish and squealed that she didn't want it, nearly throwing down her rod and losing the whole thing.
The moment when William caught his first brim on his own with no help and grinned with pleasure as he grasped the wriggling little body.
The sight of children waking up early to get their fish on, groggily trying to tie on hooks and weights.

Sleeping on the floor was totally worth it. . . . :)

Great Day

Had an awesome day yesterday.

Started off with breakfast at Buddy Freddy's in Plant City with my parents, my aunt and uncle, and my cousin Sheila.

Cousin Sheila and Mom

Then, we "swung by" Lake Lindsay and the Audubon preserve on our way back home.

Upon entering the preserve, I spotted this bird right away, atop a dead pine tree. Unfortunately, I did not take this pic, didn't have my camera. But, I googled for an image just so you could see how neat this bird's coloring is. I've never seen a red-headed woodpecker in the wild, so this was a life bird moment for me. Though they are common in areas of Florida, all I've got around my house are Pileated woodpeckers and Red-bellied woodpeckers.

Red-headed Woodpecker

When we drove further into the preserve, we parked at the wildlife center to ask for directions to the Ahochee preserve (mom had heard they were having a native plant sale.) So dad and I waited outside, and one of the maintenance guys pulled this beautiful yellow rat snake out of the information sign. Gorgeous and HUGE!

We drove down to the Ahochee preserve after that, and I picked up a Coral bean plant for my yard. Been looking for one, so I couldn't believe my luck.

Had to take this shot of the oak canopy. . .Love this, and it was drizzling rain, so it was extremely mystical standing under those trees.

And to top off the day, I called my brother and sister to talk. Lana let Leya talk on the phone, and she said for the first time "Hi Jamie".

Let's just say, "Aunt Jamie" has doing the happy dance for two days straight, and telling everybody about it!

The road is empty except for me

Each night, I hook Toby up to his leash and proceed to walk him up the road outside my house.
Each night, I put one headphone in my left ear, turn on my ipod, and spend the ten minutes of dog walking time singing, whistling, dancing in the dark.

Free. That's how I feel in those moments. Nobody's watching me make a fool of myself except for God and Toby. Randomly a car will speed by, ignoring my presence almost to point of running me off the road.
I persevere, though. I sing praises and prayers to God at the top of my lungs. I whistle out complicated melodies and don't care if the neighbors can hear me.

This is my time. My time to let loose, my time to shout, my time to be with God.

Last night, we connected like a sizzling bolt of electricity. My heart beat wildly, tears sprang to my eyes, and I felt myself drunkenly roaming all over the road as I prayed and prayed and prayed, words spilling from my tongue: Help me Father, forgive me Father, help me forgive those who weigh on my heart and mind.

It was. . .I can't even describe it. . .I didn't want to go inside. I wanted to stay in that moment.
I did go inside. I unhooked Toby, took my pills, and laid down to go to sleep. My body still thrummed with energy.

SO. . .here's the song, here's the words. . . this is the whole song. If you've never heard it, check it out on youtube or itunes.

"Losing" by Tenth Avenue North

I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong?
Don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love, this is hate...
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin'
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

  It's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
But Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.

This is love, this is hate...
We've got a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin'
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'

Why do we think that hate's gonna change their heart?
 

We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought
 

But pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground
 

We build our bridges up 

but just to burn them down
 

We think pain is owed apologies and then it'll stop
 

But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
 

Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
 

Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down


Oh, Father won't you forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin'
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'
Yeah, I feel like I've been losing

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin'
I feel like I've been losin'

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losin' 

There are no pictures for this post. I just felt the need to get down in writing this moment in time.

Busy-ness has just about done me in!

Lord, have mercy on this tired soul. . .

Not to say that I haven't enjoyed the past couple of weeks.

But MAN, I'd really like to be sitting on my swing with an icepack on my forehead right about now.
The icepack is for the headache that keeps returning.

Since my last post I've conquered several hurdles.
One: House/dog/horse sitting for a neighbor down the road.
Two: Senior Sunday
Three: Sitting in as substitute secretary for the church

Denise, the neighbor down the road, has three horses, two cats, and three large dogs. The cats got to spend the week at the vet, but the rest of the animals got the privilege of MY company.
Here's a few pics from my house sitting job from last week:

Suete, the arabian

Sierra, the old lady

Pia, the affectionate jokester

Morning fly mask time. . .and fresh hay!

The dogs were almost as much trouble as the horses were to take care of. Don't get me wrong, none of what I did was terribly hard or back-breaking. It just took time, and I nearly always ended up filthy afterwards.
I only got pics of two of the pups, Flynn and Dylan.

Dylan is a 14 year old lab mix who recently had neck surgery. As old as he is, he still has plenty of energy and is always openly affectionate. Couldn't leave the house without giving him a belly rub.

Dylan at the bottom of the stairs

Flynn is a year old Doberman with trust issues. Denise had me come down twice to interact with him before this particular house sitting job. She was actually a little surprised that he took to me so quickly (my only explanation is that I wasn't afraid of him, and I also didn't make a big deal out of him either).

Flynn, nose up!

I was done with that particular job on Friday morning. I started the secretarial job on the Wednesday before. It was very stressful trying to do both at the same time. Mainly because the horses and dogs require such specific care, and I had to be in the church office by 8:30a. Which meant that I had to be up by 6:30a to take care of all of them. Oh, and did I mention I still had to go back to my house to take care of Toby?
He of course was not thrilled with me or the fact that he had to spend each night in his kennel. Poor baby!

Senior Sunday fell at the end of my first week as substitute secretary, which meant that on top of my duties in the main office (answering the phone, creating the bulletin, printing the bulletin, and dealing with church member issues) I also had to continue with my normal job of worship slideshow, website, facebook, and being a youth counselor. Spent a TON of time uploading old youth photos to facebook, mainly so that I could dig through them more easily next year when searching for senior pics. Then I had to create two different photo slideshows, one for the two worship services, and one for the reception in between.

Why then, I ask you, did I schedule to take the senior high girls of the TNT youth group to Rock Springs on Saturday? We had been trying to get together to do something for a while, and I guess I just decided I might as well fill out the entire week with things to do.

Anyways, we attempted to go to Rock Springs, but it was closed for an event. So instead, we went around the bend to Wekiva Springs. Fun for the girls, naptime for me!

Now if I could just get rid of this headache!

Simple fun

Monday I had volunteered to take a friend to a doctor's appointment over in Orlando. So I took mom along for the ride and while our friend was at her appointment, we went over to the downtown library.

We used to love going to this library. Mom, Russ, and I loved to haunt the used bookstore as well. I snagged four Dean Koontz books on this particular trip!
The other thing we loved was their AWESOME kid's section.

On Tuesday, I had the brilliant idea to take a road trip to St. Augustine. I had heard an ad on the local public radio station about a Pablo Picasso exhibit at the visitor's center.  Shirley got to come along for the ride!
So here's some pics of that fun. . .

Castillo de San Marcos and lunch at the Spanish Bakery

Pics in front of the fountain. . .

Fun wandering around the old city. . .tacky tchotchkes, an old old old cemetery. . .

Pigeons EVERYWHERE. . .and a look down St. George street. . .

 Mom and I hamming it up in front of the Fuente de los Canos de San Francisco. . .

 Now, the real reason we came to Northeast Florida for the day. . .
This particular show for Picasso's work focused on his prints regarding bull fighting in Spain.
It was neat for me, because I actually have experience making lithographs. . .although I wasn't really any good at it. Plus, my back could not handle the weight of the stone or the continual bending over.
Anyways, though mom and Shirley weren't really thrilled with the show, I loved being able to see some of his not so popular work. It made it that much more interesting to me to be able to dive into the lines and shapes.

"The world today doesn't make much sense, so why should I paint pictures that do?"
Loved this quote!

After viewing the art, we strolled down to Kilwins to buy fudge slabs, required for every trip to St. Augustine.
Then, we took a moment to sit at an outside table and enjoy the wonderful weather and each others company.

Shirley and mom talking

Shopped a little more, but my feet and knee were killing me.
So, here's a little backyard garden at the art glass shop to end with. This is what I want my yard to eventually feel like.

Exhausted by corn

First off, the steps to my front door rotted through at the platform.

So, we called Richard in to build me a new set. I got the opportunity to request a wider platform and more shallow steps. So happy with my new set of stairs!

 Pics of my old and new steps, and the wood spirit face that features at the bottom of my railing post!

Freaky, huh?

Now, on to the corniness of the weekend. . .
Julie and I got the privilege of bringing the rest of the corn crates down to our festival site on Sunday morning. Upon starting to go down the sidewalk I heard Julie say from behind me "Oh, oh, oh no. . .no. . .Jamie . .Oh man!" and I turned around and saw this. . .they fell down off that cart exactly like you see in the picture.

Here's a couple more candid shots from our booth. . .

 And, to tie it up. . .I bought the first and really thought about buying the second. . .or maybe making it myself!

Air plant hanging for my swing

Old gas can bird house

Struggles with Inspiration

Way back in December, I asked my friend Monica if she wanted any kind of artwork from me.
Funnily enough, she said YES. . .I was actually kind of surprised. Usually when I ask people that, they say uh. . .yeah sure.  .what are you going to paint/make for me. However, Mon had something specific in mind.

What she wanted was paintings of a wine bottle and a martini glass to hang in the kitchen of her apartment.
Her only requests were that the background be sort of modern looking.

Geez. . .way to take the fun out of it for me. If there is one thing I'm not, it's a modern artist. I have extreme difficulty with painting clean and straight, which is at least one aspect of modernism.  Now, post-modern, that I can do. I'm all about messy painting. In fact, I don't feel like I've truly made an artwork unless I end up with some of the medium staining my hands.

 

But, this was Monica asking. I had to attempt to create what she wanted. If in part, because she spent a great deal of money acquiring my "Nightmare Before Christmas" hand painted Toms for my Christmas gift!

 

So, I started out with two canvases. I decided to try angled lines, much like can be seen in this Martini Glass painting I found online.

 

Ugh. . .I do like this piece, but WHY, WHY would I torture myself with something so NON-JAMIE? 
I couldn't paint this unless I had a final examination grade hanging over my head. I haven't had that kind of perfectionist pressure for about six years now, so I don't know why I was deluding myself into thinking that I could pull off something this tediously clean.

I persevered, though. Covered both of those canvases with diagonal, multi-colored lines, none of which were perfectly straight.
Then they sat. . . .and sat. . .and sat.
They tortured me.
The artist Jamie personality was refusing to go anywhere near them unless I did something to change the plan into something that was more "Me".

I let the problem simmer in the back of my mind for four months. Eventually something came through.
What if I covered the lines with one of my squiggles? I'd done several of these pieces back in college, they'd even managed to get displayed in an end of the year Fine Art Student Showing at UCF.  I could then put the wine bottle and martini glass on top of that pattern.

Nuts, right? If anything, I'd have to purchase new canvases in the event that it ended up being a disaster.

 

 As you can see, I drew the squiggle on top of the lines first with a yellow colored pencil. Then, I began the mind bendingly boring part of painting every-other shape white. Actually, I love doing things like this. Especially when I have a good book to read/listen to, which I did. Checked out the Dean Koontz audio book "Lightning" from the library.  Exhilarating!

However, I got both canvases painted with their white shapes and thought "I'll never be able to get the martini glass and wine bottle to pop on top of all that noise". So, I had to let the canvases sit AGAIN.

 

Neat huh? If it had bee a painting for me, I'd have left it like that. But, had to keep on keeping on.

I had the idea of toning down the white with a darker color, maybe a simple wash over the top. Something told me to keep thinking about it. Why I thought to purchase metallic blue and lavender paints, I'll never know. 

Here's what they looked like when I tried them on the white pattern.

Now that I had the base of the painting done, I now had the task of creating the wine bottle and martini glass. I had already made the decision that both would be made out of foam core and would be glued on top of the canvas.

Sorry, the pic is blurry, taken with my phone camera.

I cut them out before painting, because the paint can be scratched by the exacto blade. Here's the wine bottle painting in progress. I employed the technique of under-painting for both the bottle and the glass. That's part of what I love about acrylic paints. You get the thickness and richness of oil paints, but can still employ the wonder of transparent washes like watercolor.

Also I wanted to trace the shape of each onto the canvas. In order to make each pop even more, I had decided to paint a pure black "shadow" underneath them. Here's the finished wine bottle painting.

And the finished martini glass. . .

 

And the two together. . .